Detour Ahead!

Have you ever stopped to take stock in your current situation? Sure, you might say. Of course, right? 

But, really, have you? 

I’m not talking about stopping to smell the roses or watch the sunset. I’m not talking about taking a moment to ponder your desires: “I need more money”, “I hate my job,” or “Is this relationship good for me?” Have you ever stopped moving, stopped thinking, stopped planning, stopped longing for something you don’t yet have and asked yourself: “How the heck did I get here?”

Maybe you have…but I wonder…did you stop long enough to answer it?

Answering the “How Did I Get Here?” question requires self-awareness, evaluation and critique. It requires a deep dive into your mindset, your emotional state, your psyche, your passion, your determination, and your pain. It demands transparency and the gathering of evidence. It requires being more than a victim. It entails acknowledging your place as the bad guy. It forces cessation of the blame game. It then necessitates fresh eyes from a 10,000-foot view.

Every road leading to “here” has its serene lookouts, annoying potholes, treacherous cliffs, construction zones, and danger signs. Have you celebrated how far you have come? Or the beauty you encountered? Have you laughed at the fender benders? Or acknowledged the wear and tear? Have you rejoiced avoiding the cliff? Can you recognize the seasons of repair and renewal? Have you ever considered the warnings of imminent danger? And, perhaps, why you ignored them?

I’ve spent the better part of three years circling the highway that brought me “here”. From therapy, to prayer, to journaling, to meditation, to personal development books and workshops, I needed to uncover it all and lay it out in front of me. Over the last year, I have studied it, relieved it, and accepted it. The aerial view of my journey to “here” is equally heartbreaking as it is breathtaking. More importantly, answering the question “How the heck did I get here?” has been invigorating. 

With my memoir about my journey of faith in the hands of my publisher, I felt a nudge. A drive toward something, but I didn’t know what. Like a mouse trapped in her cage, I hopped on the wheel and started running. Exhausted and unable to get out of my own head, I did what any sound and reasonable woman confused about her next steps would do…I called a best friend, and we drank tequila. But we weren’t alone. There is power in numbers.

When two or more gather in His name, miracles happen. He shows up. Granted, Jesus likely never drank tequila, but He gathered with His people, broke bread and drank wine. While tequila does not necessarily lead to clarity, a conversation with a believer, who has your back and reminds you to be still and listen for His voice, stops the noise in the background long enough for this mouse to jump off the wheel. 

In the stillness, Jesus reminded me…I am “here”, right where I am supposed to be, in this moment. Take it in. Rejoice in the now. No need to look back at the road traveled; I already did that. No need to search miles ahead; I can’t see that far. Be still right here. So, I abided in Christ.

That night I received an email about a domain name that I had purchased about a decade ago. And it reminded me of my old plan to start a blog. You see, back on May 13, 2014, after a couple Crown on the rocks, I spewed all sorts of negativity about the stupidity of people on social media. An old friend messaged, stroked my ego, laughed at my awful wickedness and suggested I start a blog. With a U-Haul of negative commentary to share with anyone who agreed I was funny, this sounded exciting. So, without hesitation, I jumped on the world wide web and bought a domain name. At the time, I intended my website and blog to be a digital soapbox for an obnoxious, pretentious, egomaniac with a complete disdain for the human race. I had a solid plan. 

But God.

The next morning’s subtle sledgehammer-to-the-head-hangover reminded me of the purchase. The previous evening’s bourbon-infused decision didn’t seem quite as alluring. I felt a different kind of push, only it was more like a brake to stop. So, I hesitated… for nearly a decade. 

Why I took my lead foot off the gas that day, I had no idea. I had been operating at full speed ahead, music blaring and never paying attention to rules and signs for two decades. But that day, a cautionary driver saw a sign and took evasive action. Today, I can see it in my aerial view. Warning! Danger Zone! Proceed With Caution!

In 2014, I pulled a hard right, pivoting off the trajectory of the treacherous path I had been traveling. Did that day mark the central point that my entire life changed course? No. But it did create a detour. 

I was always supposed to start the blog. Just not then. 

I was always supposed to write. Just not that. 

I was always supposed to make people feel. Just not pain. 

I was always supposed to take you on a journey. Just not that road.

That heavenly diversion created necessary distance and bought me meaningful time. God knew I would become someone new during my journey. His detour led me to a wide-open road of faith.

Welcome to the ride. I hope you’re ready to ask yourself difficult questions and dig for the answers. 

So, strap in…because here we go.